Questions to ask NICU nurses and doctors

From the 89 Days Strong family · Updated October 11, 2026

In the NICU, information comes fast, and usually when you're tired. It's hard to know what to ask, and easy to forget the answer by the time you reach the car. This is a list of questions, grouped by topic, that you can bring to the bedside, to rounds, or to a phone call with the unit.

How to ask (and actually remember the answers)

• Write questions down as you think of them. A notes app or a small notebook works. Bring it every visit.
• Ask when a good time is. Nurses are busy around shift change and procedures. "When's a good time to go over a few questions?" is always fair.
• Ask if parents can join rounds. Many units invite parents to listen in or take part when the team reviews each baby's plan.
• Ask for plain language. "Can you explain that without the medical words?" is a completely normal request.
• Repeat it back. "So what I'm hearing is..." helps you check that you understood.
• It's okay to ask again. Nobody expects you to remember everything the first time.

Questions about who's who

NICU teams can be large, and roles vary by hospital. Early on, it helps to ask:

• Who is the attending doctor (often a neonatologist) for my baby this week?
• Who is my baby's nurse today, and who is the charge nurse?
• Does my baby have a primary nurse or a consistent team?
• Who else might we see? (For example: nurse practitioners, respiratory therapists, dietitians, lactation consultants, therapists, pharmacists, or a social worker.)
• Who should I talk to if I have a concern about my baby's care?

Questions for the first few days

• Why is my baby in the NICU, in simple terms?
• What are the main things you're watching right now?
• What do the machines and tubes around my baby do?
• Can I touch or hold my baby? If not yet, what can I do instead?
• What is a typical day like here, and when are the best times to visit?
• How do I call the unit when I'm not here, and is there a best time to call?
• Are there any visiting rules I should know about for family or siblings?

If the words on the monitor or in conversations are new, our plain-language guide to NICU words may help.

Everyday check-in questions

A short, repeatable set of questions can make every visit or phone call easier:

• How was the night (or the day)?
• Did anything change since I was last here?
• What's the plan for today? Are any tests or procedures scheduled?
• Has anything in the plan changed, like feeds, medicines, or breathing support?
• Is there anything you'd like me to do, bring, or watch for?
• When will the doctors next update us?

Questions about breathing support

• What kind of breathing support is my baby on right now, and why?
• What would need to happen for that support to be lowered?
• What do the alarms on the monitor mean, and which ones should I tell you about?
• What oxygen range are you aiming for with my baby?
• Is it okay for me to hold my baby with this equipment in place?

Questions about feeding and growing

• How is my baby being fed right now (through a tube, IV, bottle, or breast)?
• How much is my baby getting, and how often?
• How is my baby's weight trending? How often is my baby weighed?
• When might my baby be ready to try feeding by mouth? What signs do you look for?
• If I'm pumping, can I meet with a lactation consultant? How should I store and label milk?
• Is anything being added to my baby's milk, and why?

Questions about being part of your baby's care

Parents can often do more than they realize. Ask:

• Can I change diapers, take my baby's temperature, or help with mouth care?
• When can we do skin-to-skin holding? How long can we hold?
• Can I help at bath time or feeding time? Which times work best?
• Can I read, sing, or talk to my baby? What does my baby seem to like?
• How can I tell when my baby is tired or needs a break?

Questions about tests and results

• What is this test for, and when will we know the results?
• Who will tell us the results, and how?
• What happens next if the result is normal? If it isn't?
• Can I get a copy, or see it in the patient portal?

Questions about going home

Discharge can seem far away, then arrive faster than you expect. It's never too early to ask:

• What does my baby need to be able to do before going home?
• Is there a rough timeline? What could change it?
• What should we learn before discharge (feeding, medicines, equipment, infant CPR)?
• Will my baby need any special equipment or follow-up appointments?
• Do we need to choose a pediatrician now?
• Does the hospital offer a chance to room in or stay overnight before discharge?

When the time comes, our NICU discharge checklist goes into more detail.

Questions about you

The NICU is hard on parents. It's okay to ask for help for yourself, too.

• Is there a social worker I can talk to?
• Is there help with parking, meals, gas, or a place to sleep near the hospital?
• Are there parent support groups or other NICU parents I can talk to?
• Who can I talk to if I'm feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or low?
• Is there anything I can do for my other kids so they understand what's happening?

A few questions to ask yourself

Not everything belongs on the list for the care team. A few questions to check in with yourself now and then:

• When did I last eat a real meal, drink water, and sleep?
• Who can I hand one task to this week?
• What do I want to remember about today?

You're not being a bother by asking. You're your baby's parent, and you're part of the team. From our family to yours: bring the list, ask the question, and ask it again if you need to.